Image may be NSFW.
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A particularly dingy dingbat found its way into my Yahoo! mail spam box.
For some reason this doesn't happen to me all that often, although other folks seem to be plagued with these sorts of unwelcome cyber-missives.
Hence, it is blogworthy, if not strictly original, for me to parse this one out for my eager audience.
At any rate it'll have to do on a day when the already-triple-digit temperature is shooting for 102 actual, 110 index, and I'm battling hot-weather-induced ennui on a grand scale.
The cicadas in the trees are playing their belly castanets at such a volume I can hear the dry fever-pitch clacking through the closed windows, even with the air conditioning set to snowball and the draperies pulled tight to add an extra layer of interior cool.
Time to lay low.
I don't know how I happened to see the email -- catchily and cleverly entitled HELLO MY DEAR -- as I do not often check my spam box.
But see it (and read it) I did:
Hello dear
My name is favour awad
I saw your profile at find a grave and it is very interesting i will like to have you as friend in friendship distance,age,colour does not matter but what matters is love without lies cheating you can rich me true my e_mail ID at favourawad at hotmail dot com for more introductions and exchange of pictures waiting to hear from you soonest
First I read favour award -- like, as if someone were awarding me with the blessing of their favor -- but then I noticed the glaring omission of an r.
Hmmmm.
I'm assuming the author is male. Just go with me on this.
Saw my profile at find a grave and it is very interesting? That's creepy. Unless you are a fellow taphophile and contributor, stay off my Find A Grave profile page, you ... you presumptuous weirdo.
Find A Grave is a site for the bereaved and the only thing of which you appear to be bereft (well, besides the ability to practice a modicum of Internet propriety) is the gift of punctuation.
He would like to have me as friend in friendship. That's handy because I never have gotten the hang of functioning as either a friend in enmity or an enemy in friendship.
But no thanks all the same.
Despite your earnest declaration that distance,age,colour does not matter but what matters is love without lies cheating, I must disagree.
Distance, age, color (forgive me but once again I am compelled to drop the fruity unnecessary u) -- and by that I am assuming you mean, since we live on different continents, are almost certainly decades apart in age, and I'm guessing are not of the same ethnic persuasion -- do not matter to you?
Okay. I will not argue. It's too hot to argue. But your almost-point is moot because another important thing does matter.
I am married.
And you don't even know me. Ergo there cannot be more introductions because there have been no introductions.
Nor will there be.
So I'd say it's a non-starter.
Next I am told you can rich me true my e_mail. Really? True your email? How taughtful.
Let me tink tat true and perhaps tich you someting in the process.
*tink tink tink*
Who am I kidding? I wasn't even close to taking him up on that offer.
I'm not tat bored.
Even so, the prospect of an exchange of pictures was mightily tempting.
Ehhhh, no. Upon tinking it true, I decided I'd better not.
But if I were to send him a photo of me, I do believe I'd send this one. At least then he'd know I'm photogenic.
And friendly.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
~ Happy Friday ~